Your partner is safe, but what about your toys?
Anything that goes into our most intimate areas needs to be clean and safe. No one likes getting the itches after having a wonderful afternoon of masturbation with a favorite toy. It could be attributed to a lot of things, but more often than not, it’s the toy of choice. There are many unsafe toys out on the market. There is a lack of available knowledge and published information regarding sex with various industrial materials was scarce until recently. Products for sexual pleasure are not regulated by a government agency prioritizing public safety. The folks at C.A.T.T. (Coalition Against Toxic Toys), a non-profit focused on educating the masses about unsafe toys has created a check list on their website (https://badvibes.org) which can be used in helping you determine of what you have purchased or are about to purchase is safe for your body.
- Body Friendly: Sex toys should be made of a medical or food grade material that is safe for intimate contact and is ideally hypoallergenic. Unfortunately many sex toys are manufactured from industrial quality materials, do not include accurate information about material quality, and are not proven safe for intimate contact. Often these novelties are referred to as “jelly.”
- The Smell Test™: The easiest way discern if a sex toy is made from a safe material, is through smell. Unsafe sex toys frequently have an obvious chemical or plastic smell. The odor is caused by the release of chemicals into the air through off-gassing. Safe toy materials, in contrast, have no smell and do not leech chemicals into your body or the surrounding environment.
- Non-Porous: Porous materials can harbor micro-organisms, such as bacteria, viruses and fungi, which can cause infections despite even the most diligent cleaning efforts. Sex toys should be non-porous. Examples of safe, non-porous materials include; high-quality silicone, glass, surgical steel, ceramic and medical grade plastics.
- Form and Function: Sex toys should be manufactured by reputable companies that design and manufacture their toys to be used sexually, rather than as gag gifts or “novelties.” It is important that sex toys be utilized for their intended purposes and safe use requires common sense. If you are not sure how a specific toy is designed to be used, ask a knowledgeable sex educator or sales associate.
© 2006 Coalition Against Toxic Toys. All rights reserved.
Silence Is NOT Golden
It’s been a while since I had a silent lover, but I can easily remember when I felt like I was fucking a moving mannequin. Nothing is more disturbing than that silent partner and everyone needs a little verbal encouragement when they are getting their rocks off: 1 We like to know we are doing a good job, 2 we want to know that they are enjoying our body and 3 really isn’t it just awkward to have silence? Not everyone is comfortable with talking dirty; it can be embarrassing for many people. If you are that person, here are a few tips:
- Sex is fun (or it should be) so make your dirty talk fun.
- Questions are great, but only when you know the answer. If she/he has already physically or verbally let you know that what you are doing is pleasing say something like, “Oh so you like how I fuck this pussy?” or “Yeah, I am licking that dick good huh?” It not only puts those dirty words out there but also shows your confidence in your skills and that’s an even bigger turn on.
- Fantasies can provide the visual a person needs, letting them know that you have put thought into that is a huge turn on. For example, “I have been thinking about riding that dick, how it goes in and out. Damn you make me want to do it anywhere”
- Cursing random words is HOT, when they have hit that spot, just blurting out words is pretty hot, just keep to the more common words and you should be fine. “SHIT” “FUCK” and my all time favorite is, “Oh yeah fuck this shit!!!”
- You don’t have to be loud, I once had a friend whisper all her nasty stuff into her lovers ears and it would make her cum that much faster. It’s the content of your words not the decibels of sound.
- Not all guys/girls like name calling so that is something you’ll want to discuss with your partner first.
Bottom line don’t be shy, if you have taken the step to get completely naked with this person you should be comfortable enough to truly turn them on, and in doing so turn yourself on as well. A great resource for people who want to overcome their shyness in this area is Carol Queen’s classic book Exhibitionism for the Shy.
Who doesn’t love masturbating? Plenty of people still feel a deep seeded guilt over masturbation, which is unfortunate because it can be very beneficial for both body and mind.
There are several reasons to love yourself in a carnal sense, some of which might surprise you:
- Pleasure – It provides great pleasure, which results with the release of hormones that help fight off depression and other mental health issues.
- Knowledge –Masturbation is a great tool in which a person can identify what it is that they like and dislike. Keeping in touch regularly can boost self esteem, and awareness of ones own body and sexual needs is paramount to being fulfilled sexually. Beyond self discovery, consider watching your partner masturbate as “research” to find out what turns them on.
- Sleep – It’s like taking a sleeping pill. Hormones and exertion result in relaxation. Orgasms have the same affect of taking a really strong valium. How great is that?
- Stress Reliever – Masturbation is a great way to relieve stress. Not only is the physical release wonderful, but also the emotional and psychological. Visualizing and enjoying fantasies during self love sessions provides an outlet to release those deep inhibitions without being embarrassed or having to act on them.
Masturbation can also be used as a form of foreplay between you and your partner. It is not a criticism of their performance that you enjoy pleasing yourself, but a compliment to them that they have made you feel sexy enough to share such a private pleasure.